As They Say in Madison Square Garden: Bilko and the WAC

This one's for my friends Steve and Gary, and to be saved under ‘Another episode Nur wishes she’d written herself’: One of the vicarious joys of “The Phil Silvers Show” is watching Bilko run rings around people so he can get what he wants, whether it’s his platoon, his colonel (or occasionally, the entire military). If his brilliant schemes collapse at the end (as they often do), you laugh in sympathy at the way the universe will mislay his best-laid get-rich plans. If his heart of gold overcomes his love of mammon (as it often does), you’re filled with affectionate pride watching him help those who can’t quite help themselves. So somehow it’s an equal delight when he encounters a man his own size, that rare someone who knowingly or unwittingly turns the tables on Bilko – and in my favourite instance, that man is a woman.

Elisabeth Fraser is first introduced in ‘The WAC,’ a very early episode where Bilko, tired of being a pedestrian, tries to con Fort Baxter’s other Master Sergeants out of an assignment that would give the lucky volunteer a Jeep to keep. With almost no effort, he gives Sowici, Pendleton, and Grover the mistaken impression the assignment is a bore and that he will nobly bear the burden for them (watching Ned Glass paw away his tears is a delight). When Ernie discovers a new Sgt. Hogan has also volunteered, he quickly snaps up another plan to kick him out. When Hogan isn’t a ‘him’ but a ‘her,’ Ernie still isn’t discouraged, but the servicewoman continues to subvert. He finally launches the ‘Bilko Blitz,’ a manoeuvre designed to inspire such pity and womanly sympathy that he can’t lose – or can he? “As they say in Madison Square Garden: protect yourself at all times,” and Hogan, radiant with endearing Southern charm, maintains her wide-eyed innocence even as she ducks every punch, unintentionally making her one of Bilko’s most formidable, lovable opponents. And if the audience’s laughter at the end (a great ending!) is anything to go by, she is perhaps the most unexpected and delightful Xo